Sa'idah's Diary: What is regret?

It's very strange. I see people doing things they didn't want to do. I see people asking forgiveness for what they said. I see them cry, worry, scream and rage against theire mistakes. I see them regret. I know what is regret, I've learn what it was. I've seen it... but then again, what is regret?

I know what is fear, I know what is love. I know pain, joy, sadness, confusion, tranquility... Is regret an emotion? How do you feel regret? I know it's a feeling that comes when you do something but you wish you didn't, or sometimes, when the consequence aren't what you expected. But.. why?

Why do you feel regret? Have you not done what you regret now? Have you not chosen to do it? Why did you do it if you did not want it to happen? Didn't you know what would happen? Even if you did, you can't change it now. Why do people regret?

I've never tought about it before, but now, I wonder. I had a fight with Sek... We argued about what to do. I wanted to go and save Ashura and Cyria, Darya's little sister. Even Hime to some degree. But Sek didn't want to. She said it was to dangerous, to much risk for me. I'm really the only one important to her, I wonder why? In the end, we did like she wanted... and I feel nothing. All our friends except Sayako are going to save them. I really wish them luck since I won't be going. I really do wish they save everyone, and don't kill them self in the process. But why don't I feel anything? I really wanted to go, but now? No, not at all. I understand why I wanted to go, I still feel the same about them.. but I choose not to and now I feel.. nothing.

I choose to let them go to one of the greatest danger they ever faced and I won't help them, I choose not to. I don't even feel anything wrong about that. Does it means I'm a bad person? It's the same when I tried to kill O'leary. That man can't be killed, I really did try my best. But he was one of my friend back then. I don't regret doing it, I don't even see a reason too. Sek is always saying that what ever you do, has long you don't regret it it's ok. But I don't feel regret. Never. If I had to kill an innocent to save a friend, I know I would do it. I don't see what would be wrong with that. I wouldn't feel regret. I know that killing is wrong. That murder is a bad thing. How can I know what I do is right or wrong. Should I care? I care about others. I do don't I? Even If I don't feel regret? What is regret...?